And so

Posted on by 432parkave

Well. Life moves slow then very fast. I have moved across the country. I have lived in many states, East, West, and Middle. I find my self in a new state, with a new lease signed. It is going to be awesome, I just know it. I already feel less suffocated here than I did in my previous location.

It’s an odd thing to move so fast like I just did. Like an uprooted plant, but a voluntary one! I know I have said that I am going to write a book, I have said it so many times for so many years. So why have I not done it? do I just enjoy talking about it, thinking about it? Why can’t I actually start? Well, I do know why, it is all fear. I am afraid of putting my all into something and realizing that it is bad. It is cowardly, I know. I know I can do it. I have been such a lazy person creatively lately. Heck more like the last 3 year. How could I let that happen? It is a muscle and I completely forgot to exercise it. And for that I most apologize to myself. You HAVE to learn to get out of your own way so you can live the life you truly want to live. YOU HAVE TO. Trust me on this one. Do not live a life of memetic response. Do not live a life of fear. I will not.

And to anyone reading this. Please just start whatever that thing is you dream of starting. You can do it.

River

Posted on by 432parkave

The charcoal sky felt vast last night. I took the garbage out late in the night; the wispy clouds stretched miles across the sky from an autumn storm front. I looked up and saw a river bank of white clouds and in it a river of stars flowing in a celestial eternity. The night depth of the night sky was truly awesome.

I recommend taking your trash out at night, and look up the whole time you’re doing it!

-THENO2000

Through

Posted on by 432parkave

Thick and thin my mind expands and condenses. Sometimes it is full of fear and spirals. Sometimes it opens up like a flower and becomes indomitable to negative energy. Sometimes my mind forgets who I am. And I stare into a void of meaningless entertainment, each second I lose myself and my purpose to flashes of bright color and war and madness.

My mind, now, feels lost. I know it will be found soon. It has a purpose, it must. So I trudge along in a vessel without its partner. Now, I do have a mind these days but it is not mine. It is merely a placeholder until mine finds its way.

The night sky used to fill me with wonder and awe. Time stopped and I was part of the stars. But lately I look up and feel a sort of fearful vertigo, like I might see something I shouldn’t and it will scare me to no end. I must fix this, because it is no way to live. I will look upon the sky in wonder once again, I know I will

-theno2000

Stained Glass

Posted on by 432parkave

It is impossible to talk about anything without invoking time. It seeps into our language, grammar, thoughts, feelings, and dreams. As of late this has bothered me. I do not want to think about time, all the time! But there it is, seeping into me and out of me always. I want to be without time, but that is to have nothing but it! Ah damn! If only….if I cou-

A black shape oozed down Beren’s window, startling him.

Incubating (Len)

Posted on by 432parkave

I have a book idea that is truly fantastic. I am scared to try because I am scared to fail. How sad is this mental trap all humans find themselves in?

Imagine the planet if we had no self doubt but only pure motivation and ideas. I wonder……..perhaps there is something good to be found in self doubt that I have not discovered yet.

OH WELL! now I will drift off into untroubled sleep listening to Harry Potter. Remember to take stock of your mind and your spirit and make sure they are well cared for.

-THENO200

October’s Daydream

Posted on by 432parkave

The world is unraveling and condensing and expanding. Leafs flutter to the ground, to be kicked and blown about by the biting and snappy October air.

Ants trudge on concrete realms stretching to eternity. A pastel of orange and gray is laid upon the sky as winter seeps into the town.

The small animals know of winters approach before the bigger ones. They live in the dirt of the earth and can feel the ground tighten and retreat into itself.

Dull and Sharp

Posted on by 432parkave

It is clear to me that most people fall into two categories: dull and sharp.

A dull person has been “smoothed over” by society, by media, by their own self. The waves have lapped at their souls until what is left is a smoothed over surface, almost frictionless. characterized by the thousand yard stare, a rootless and spineless gelatin of a human. Moving through life as if pulled by strings. Their minds are stable and they sleep well every night.

A sharp human is jagged and wobbly. paranoid thoughts may enter their heads, they toss and turn. A rough a jittery existence filled with hurt, hate, love, and exploration. They wonder why the man is always outside working under his car. Perhaps he is cutting the breaks, or planting something.

But of course a good human is dull and sharp. I am molding myself this way. To become enveloped by the current at times and at others to gnash and claw my way out of the mud and trudge up that mountain.

-THENO2000

Sensodyne

Posted on by 432parkave

I extremely dislike my ability to become jealous of and competitive with my good friends. I am always comparing myself to others and that is just no way to live. How can I stop doing such a thing? It eats away at me, makes me lesser. It makes me feel so bad I can’t deal with that anymore. I have so much potential and it rots away because I am too busy thinking about other people and what they are doing, how much money they make, where they live. I never thought something like this would happen to me, but it has. I need to be thankful for what I have and only compare myself to yesterday’s self, nothing else.

I have had enough of this terrible part of me. I will rid it and replace it with something good and long-lasting.

-THENO200

redoux

Posted on by 432parkave

I can feel my body thawing. I can feel the icy hold of insecurity and indecision start to give way. With each step I take I am filled with purpose and certainty.

One must not forget to keep things secret sometimes. It is not good to have everything known. This is important because if you do not follow this advice your life will be someone else’s. Perhaps you saw a deer on a drive and nobody else did; let that feeling sit and keep it in your heart, do not share it.

But don’t get me wrong, things shared are oft more enjoyed. Just do not forget that every once in a while, you should hold on to that idea or sight or memory for only yourself, let its sacredness wash over you.

-Theno2000