The charcoal sky felt vast last night. I took the garbage out late in the night; the wispy clouds stretched miles across the sky from an autumn storm front. I looked up and saw a river bank of white clouds and in it a river of stars flowing in a celestial eternity. The night depth of the night sky was truly awesome.
I recommend taking your trash out at night, and look up the whole time you’re doing it!
-THENO2000
Thick and thin my mind expands and condenses. Sometimes it is full of fear and spirals. Sometimes it opens up like a flower and becomes indomitable to negative energy. Sometimes my mind forgets who I am. And I stare into a void of meaningless entertainment, each second I lose myself and my purpose to flashes of bright color and war and madness.
My mind, now, feels lost. I know it will be found soon. It has a purpose, it must. So I trudge along in a vessel without its partner. Now, I do have a mind these days but it is not mine. It is merely a placeholder until mine finds its way.
The night sky used to fill me with wonder and awe. Time stopped and I was part of the stars. But lately I look up and feel a sort of fearful vertigo, like I might see something I shouldn’t and it will scare me to no end. I must fix this, because it is no way to live. I will look upon the sky in wonder once again, I know I will
-theno2000
It is impossible to talk about anything without invoking time. It seeps into our language, grammar, thoughts, feelings, and dreams. As of late this has bothered me. I do not want to think about time, all the time! But there it is, seeping into me and out of me always. I want to be without time, but that is to have nothing but it! Ah damn! If only….if I cou-
A black shape oozed down Beren’s window, startling him.
I have a book idea that is truly fantastic. I am scared to try because I am scared to fail. How sad is this mental trap all humans find themselves in?
Imagine the planet if we had no self doubt but only pure motivation and ideas. I wonder……..perhaps there is something good to be found in self doubt that I have not discovered yet.
OH WELL! now I will drift off into untroubled sleep listening to Harry Potter. Remember to take stock of your mind and your spirit and make sure they are well cared for.
-THENO200
The world is unraveling and condensing and expanding. Leafs flutter to the ground, to be kicked and blown about by the biting and snappy October air.
Ants trudge on concrete realms stretching to eternity. A pastel of orange and gray is laid upon the sky as winter seeps into the town.
The small animals know of winters approach before the bigger ones. They live in the dirt of the earth and can feel the ground tighten and retreat into itself.
It is clear to me that most people fall into two categories: dull and sharp.
A dull person has been “smoothed over” by society, by media, by their own self. The waves have lapped at their souls until what is left is a smoothed over surface, almost frictionless. characterized by the thousand yard stare, a rootless and spineless gelatin of a human. Moving through life as if pulled by strings. Their minds are stable and they sleep well every night.
A sharp human is jagged and wobbly. paranoid thoughts may enter their heads, they toss and turn. A rough a jittery existence filled with hurt, hate, love, and exploration. They wonder why the man is always outside working under his car. Perhaps he is cutting the breaks, or planting something.
But of course a good human is dull and sharp. I am molding myself this way. To become enveloped by the current at times and at others to gnash and claw my way out of the mud and trudge up that mountain.
-THENO2000
Today I drove to the ocean. I stood out on the cliffs and looked out at the undulating organism. It was windy and white caps peaked all over like doves. I thought about how one day, the cliffs I stand on would be taken by the sea, transformed into an aquatic landscape. The flowers and dirt I stand on will be sand and sea weed.
I imagined the ocean disappearing and the craggy and mysterious ocean floor revealing itself, what would you see? What hidden caves and ancient heirlooms could be found? perhaps, if one ventured out onto the dry sea-scape, they could make a miraculous discovery. Perhaps a sword from an undiscovered civilization, pleated with gems and engraved with alien designs.
Today I also walked head first into a metal pole. My head hurts and it damaged my good attitude; but then I thought to myself, “what is a better time to sit and write than now?”. My head still hurts, but in a way I think it may have shook some things back into place!
-THeno2000
Well, it truly has been a while. I just read through my old posts and wow, I have definitely grown in many ways. But also, in a way, I haven’t changed at all. I am currently in Central America with my GIRLFRIEND OF ONE YEAR. Yes, I haven’t updated this journal in so damn long that I now have a fucking girlfriend. I never ever would have thought this would happen, I truly did not.
I am so glad that I wrote what I did, some of the short little ramblings I wrote are actually not that bad. I want to expand on many of my stories. I love my mindset when I write about winter, or October, or the rain. It’s such a comfortable and beautiful nostalgic feeling for me that I can always turn to when I feel a need to write.
Lately I have been going through a very tough time mentally, and it feels good to write and read from my old self. I feel comforted. I love to write and I need to do it much more often. Life sure is a shit fest, but it sure is fun too. I don’t want this post to look like “wow I’m so much better and more put together than I was two years ago”. Hell no, I’m still the fucked up kid who wrote those little stories and I will always be that kid.
So, going forward expect more stories and ramblings from your boy. And if you’re reading this, live a little? I mean why not right?
-THENO2000
Watching and reading things as a kid is wonderful, as you may know. The actors you see playing your favorite characters aren’t actors, they are simply characters. These characters are truly in that world and are who they seem to be.
The set design isn’t a set. The rooms and houses and places arent carboard and insincere. The house on your favorite sitcom is not B-Roll shot in some West LA suburban neighboorhood, They are where these characters live and sleep and laugh and cry.
A sleepy slow day. I awoke and laid in the sun getting what I could from it. A swift bike ride through corridors of afterthoughts. Dinner in a house with a lovely garden. bees and cherries and other things.
A hasty exit, too. A beckon from the underworld. But perhaps it was not under at all, maybe that’s the wrong word, given the usual connotation. I arrived, nervous, but I had nothing to be nervous of. I drank beer and smoked and played along.
I saw sadness and immobility within these people. More drinking.
I drove home, drunk, following a shadow. I arrived at an ancient place, well, an ancient place to me.
So well preserved this place was. I must record, and I will. Before things change. New buyers and sellers tearing down these well-preserved places. I used the flash because it was midnight.
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